I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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