I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
