I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
wanna go halves on a baby?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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