IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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