He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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