Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
