I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
