Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
