You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
