Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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