saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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