I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
