I have demons in me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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