i just wanna soil my oats bro
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
