4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Say something about gay babies.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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