was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
