Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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