Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
