was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Is it because I queefed?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
