big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
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Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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