OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just had sex on a roof
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
