be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
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Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
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Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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