This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
