WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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