so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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