yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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