The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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