We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
