I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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