i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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