Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
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I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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