made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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