make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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