ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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