I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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