His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
