you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
