my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
