matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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