Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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