He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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