fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
