Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
