he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
