My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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