Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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