Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
