Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The air was thick with penises
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
