Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
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Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
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Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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