Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
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I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
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just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.