This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday