And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...