you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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