that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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