Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
