it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
