I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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