The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How's work?
Spinning.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
