Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize