awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
