He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
