Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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