Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
