covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
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Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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