she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I know her cup size but not her name....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
