I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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