she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
